Many of the men I’ve met as a companion are married. There was a time when the idea of this bothered me but I’ve come to believe that seduction and sexuality need not be entirely intertwined with love and/or serious relationships. Has my perspective changed because of what I’ve experienced or to accommodate my lifestyle?

I do think that many people are trying to live by a standard that isn’t realistic for them and they end up seeking an outlet. Most of the married men I’ve met care deeply about their wives and marriages and feel that the boundary inherent in our arrangement is a way of protecting that. They know that I’m not going to make any demands on them. I’m not going to call them or expect anything from them.

My impression is that some clients have an understanding with their wives, who realize that their husbands might not be sleeping alone every night that they’re on a business trip. I know of at least one agreement whereby both partners can spend time with other people as long as it’s discreet and never threatens the marriage. I like to think I could have this in my own marriage, should I ever choose to commit. I imagine it takes very solid relationship to make it work but I can’t imagine getting into any other sort of commitment anyway.

A previous boyfriend of mine traveled a great deal for work and it often crossed my mind that he could have been meeting women casually while he was away and I wouldn’t know. That didn’t bother me so much. If I thought he had a better friend than me, I would have been devastated.

Some clients clearly do everything they can to hide their outside activities from their wives and sometimes feel guilty about it. Yet the remorse doesn’t stop them from seeking out more intimate experiences. People will do what they need to do.

I’ve become more comfortable over time with having an aspect of my life that I can’t always be open about. It can be frustrating and I dislike having to edit conversations with friends and not being able to talk about my experiences which would often make really great stories. I guess that’s partly what this blog is about. I like this clip from The Secret Diary of a Callgirl on dealing with polite conversation…

Scroll across to 11.17 for the funny part.
The Secret Diary of a Callgirl, Season 2 Episode 2

Then there’s the problem of dating. While I often cross paths with guys I find attractive in my everyday life, they lack the unconventional streak, taste for adventure or intellectual openness I’ve become accustomed to in my alternate life. Or they have it but the situation doesn’t present itself for us to become acquainted. Regular dates tend to follow a formula. We go out for a meal, converse on the great things about New York or some other international city, our histories, our work, the food. My intermittent attempts at skipping the formalities tend to go horribly wrong or on the rare occasion, fabulously.

If I meet someone I like, I feel that I have to keep it casual. I don’t see having a serious relationship and seeing clients as a possibility. I know that means I may be missing out on someone great but I’ve had long term relationships before and I’m happy for the break. I also think that if I were to meet someone amazing, I’d just work it out somehow.