A lover suggested that I really want to be in love. “Of course” I said, “doesn’t everyone?”  He thought not and on reflection, I agree.  Most people spend at least a part of their lives looking for a partner who will provide what they need. Sometimes they need material things, sometimes stability, sometimes confrontation, sometimes friendship, sometimes love. I’ve been in love before–it was wonderful and intensely distracting. Maybe I’ll
want that again in the future but not right now. I’m having too much fun being lustful, experimental, selfish.

People seem to disbelieve me when I say I’m not looking for love. They’re also skeptical about why I haven’t already found it. “You’re a beautiful woman” they say. Why aren’t you married?

It’s as if physical beauty alone is a guarantee of attracting the perfect mate. The best I’ve been able to come up with is that I haven’t met anyone I’ve wanted to marry. I also haven’t made it a priority.  I’ve never thought much about wedding dresses and honeymoon locations. I have thought about what a relationship should encompass, such as personal freedom and mutual respect.

I think my lover really wants his wife to be in love with him.